Asher is 2 months!!

I can't believe Asher is already two months old. He is growing so fast! He has started smiling a little bit! I love it, he totally lives up to the meaning of his name!!

Asher

Blessed, Happy

Easton's Tree

Ryan is the executive secretary in our ward and because of this, we have gotten to be close friends with the other members of the bishopric and their awesome wives. One day about 4 days after we lost Easton, there was a knock at our door. Ryan opened the door to find the bishop, his two counselors, and this beautiful tree. They gave it to us to plant in memory of Easton. It's now planted in our front yard and it makes me smile (and sometimes cry) every time I look out our living room window. Just one example of the many amazing people who have blessed us!

How are we doing????

A lot of people ask me almost daily how we are doing since the twins were born. I mostly answer "we are doing fine" and then move on because I am sure that they don't have the time to hear the long, drawn out answer. So here is the long drawn out answer if you're interested, if not just look at the cute pictures :)

Life has gotten back to a new normal for our little family. Ryan went back to work when Asher was about 2 weeks old. Things are going well for him there and I am grateful that he has a job that he loves. Carter started Kindergarten and loves riding the bus every morning. He has had a couple of mornings when tears were shed, but by the time he gets home, he has forgotten he was even sad. His favorite thing at school is recess of course.

Rylee has been trying to figure out how to survive at

home without Carter around in the mornings. She is already talking about when she gets to go to Kindergarten next year. She is such a big helper with Asher. Asher is getting bigger and bigger every day. He hasn't been weighed in awhile, but I think he is close to 8 pounds. He is a good, but sometimes temperamental baby. He is already a mommy's boy, which I love of course.

As for me, I am trying to find out exactly what it means to be a mom who has lost one of her precious babies while still raising the ones left behind. It has been interesting and sometimes difficult couple of months. I am trying to learn to brush off the dumb things people say sometimes and remember that most people mean well and just

don't know what to say. (For example: One of my "favorite" things has been "At least you have Asher!" Seriously?! Would people be saying that to me if Carter had passed away instead of Easton? I don't think so. It's not like each of my kids is a spare or a bonus just in case one of them dies. Another of my "favorites" was when a well meaning individual asked me how I was feeling emotionally and I responded that I was doing ok, but that I don't feel that I will ever not be somewhat sad about losing Easton. She responded with saying "Well, why not?" Um...ok. Sorry I just went off. Everyone has been so supportive so I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I am sure I have said equally dumb things to other people at times in my life. We love and appreciate everyone who has helped, prayed for, and loved our family during these last few months. I honestly think people just don't know what to say). Anyways... even though my life isn't exactly how I dreamed it would be right now, I am learning to adjust to the way it has become. Here is a couple of blog posts I found that describe perfectly how I feel. These are written by a woman who lost her 2 year old daughter and she puts her grief into words much better than I can.

As astonished as I was at the way the world looked when I became a mother, I am just as astounded at how it looks as a bereaved mother. Filled with so much love and goodness. So much anger and angst. A battle to be faced at the break of each dawn. A vision so different than what I had before. There are times I wish I could rip my glasses off my face and fling them to the ground, but I have to remind myself--then I wouldn't be able to see at all.

I'm grateful for the sight my children have given me. I will embrace that I am a glasses wearing nerd and forge ahead into the madness of motherhood and life-- Its beauty and wonder and poopy exhaustingness. I will do it. For Lucy and for Peter. My heavenly vision and my earthly sight.

I don't know how I arrived to where I am today. A friend recently stated that she has no idea how I "bounced back" from such a loss. I haven't told her yet that there was no bouncing involved. There is flattening, deflating, crushing weight that you are unable to bear on your own. And then there is picking your body up off of the careless, chaotic dirt one-sixteenth of an inch at a time. After your body comes your mind. And that's even slower. Lastly, your soul starts to remember it exists and loved ones and even strangers help you piece it back together. Sometimes it throws fits and creates a spark you had long forgotten. And eventually, body and soul work together to breathe again, but in a much different way than you breathed before. And often, after all that foreign breathing, the wind gets knocked out of you. But you keep going. One day you wake up and you know your new self. You are comfortable with your new way of breathing.That is where greatness begins. That is when you truly are something bigger and different and better than who you were before.

http://www.agoodgrief.com/

Asher

With the past 3 posts being about the deaths of people I love, I decided it was time to post about the BIRTH of someone I love!!! Meet Asher Darwin Lloyd...

This little guy has been such an amazing blessing in our family. He has brought so much happiness to our home. In fact, his name means happiness!! He is growing even though he is still small. We are hoping he will break 6 pounds by the end of August! He is a pretty good sleeper (most of the time) and has already been spoiled rotten so he likes to be held constantly. He has the ability to make me smile even when I am feeling down. Having a newborn around is my favorite thing ever!!

Pictures by Hanna Roberts, check her out, she is the BEST!!!! Hanna Roberts Photography

The Story

I have been debating for a couple of weeks now if I should do a post about the birth of the twins. I have finally decided to do it because I am sure there are many people out there that are curious about what exactly happened and are not wanting to ask us details, and I use my blog as a journal and there are many things that I want to remember about this bittersweet event in our lives.

I was scheduled to have a C-Section on July 28th. Everything was going great. No bed rest, no contractions, other than the usual pregnancy things, everything seemed to be right on track. At 2:30 AM on Friday, July 15th my water broke. We quickly loaded up and headed to the hospital fully anticipating the birth of two healthy baby boys. At 4:57 AM, Asher Darwin was born screaming his little lungs out. He weighed 4 lbs. 13 oz. and was perfect! About 30 seconds later, my doctor got really serious and told us that our other sweet baby boy had passed away. Easton Carl was delivered as a stillborn at 4:58 AM. There are no words to express our emotions on that day. Within a very short period of time we experienced both the best and the worst things that a parent can experience. It was a very difficult day for us. However, in hindsight, we have seen how we were prepared by a very loving Heavenly Father for this experience. We have both gained a strong testimony of what Nephi calls tender mercies, "But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance." 1 Nephi 1:20

It certainly hasn't been an easy thing to deal with, but we have felt the power of prayer and have been lifted up by so many friends and family. We are so grateful for the many who have prayed for us.

We decided we wanted to honor Easton and in some way acknowledge his short little life so we decided to have a viewing and a graveside service. It turned out to be a very uplifting and positive experience. Ryan dedicated the grave and proved even further what an amazing man he is. My fantastic sister-in-law Hanna took pictures. We are so grateful that we will have those memories forever. I am so grateful for the Gospel and the peace that it brings. I know that one day we will be reunited with our sweet Easton.

We put Ryan's mom in charge of making a display for the viewing. She did a fantastic job. It included the bedding I had made for him, his name that I made to hang in the room, some amazing pictures that Pat Wimpee took for us at the hospital ( http://connect2utah.com/search​-fulltext?nxd_id=133966),

So many wonderful people came to love us and support us.

My mom helped us do a balloon release in honor of Easton. It was beautiful and I am so glad that we did it!

Watching the balloons

Our FOREVER family!!!!

Pictures provided by http://hannarobertsphotography.blogspot.com

Grandma Rose

My sweet Grandma Rose passed away on July 24th. She was such an amazing woman who will always be one of the greatest women I know. She was so faithful and had such a strong testimony. I was asked to speak at her funeral and considering the difficult couple of weeks we had, I wasn't sure I could do it, but I did and I am grateful for the opportunity to honor such a wonderful woman. I will miss her dearly, but I know she is in a better place.

Vera Rosalee Mahr Resch

Rosalee, daughter of Harry A. and Ruth E. (Parker) Mahr, passed into a better life on July 24, 2011. Rosalee was born on November 21, 1922. She experienced a depression era childhood in Nebraska growing up on the family farm. There she grew in strength of character and developed a strong work ethic. Rosalee was raised by parents that taught principles difficult to find in today’s society: hard work, honesty, regard for others, service to others, and respect for property, beliefs, and people. Her mother passed away when she was 13 and the responsibility of keeping a home and taking care of her eight siblings fell to her as the oldest girl in the family. At that point her formal education stopped and she began to gain experience and wisdom throughout her life.

Rosalee met and fell in love with John J. Resch, marrying on December 8, 1938. After marriage, they worked the farm with his parents and were blessed with four smart and attractive children. John Resch died in October 1949. Rosalee remarried in 1953 in Aurora, Illinois and from this union came a fifth smart and attractive child. Roses’ children became the central focus of her life. Rosalee and her girls moved to Utah in 1965, where she spent the rest of her life serving her family and friends. Rosalee retired from Barbizon but continued to remain busy serving in her church and for her family. Rosalee loved attending the temple and doing genealogy.

She is preceded in death by her parents, husband John J. Resch, daughters Dawn (Dan) Nuttall and Vera Resch, sister Katie, and brothers Don, Clair, Weldon, Jerry, Roger, and great-grandson Easton C. Lloyd,.

She is survived by her children James P. (Jean) Resch, D. John Resch, and Rose Marie (Stan) Morris. Also surviving her are brother Steve (Gloria) Mahr, sisters Ila Mahr, and Arlene (Gary) France, and 14 grandchildren and 30 great-grandchildren.

Funeral services will be held Monday, August 1, 2011 at 11 a.m. at Lindquist’s Layton Mortuary, 1867 No. Fairfield Road. Friends may visit family on Monday from 10 to 10:45 a.m. at the mortuary. Interment, Lindquist’s Memorial Park at Layton, 1867 No. Fairfield Road.

Grandpa Nuttall

My sweet grandpa Nuttall (my dad's dad) passed away last week. He was such an amazing man and will be missed dearly by all those who knew him. Love you Grandpa!

Grandma and Grandpa visiting us in the hospital when Rylee was born

Me and Grandpa at some family function a couple of years ago.

Grandpa's Obituary:

Carl Gadd

Nuttall

1925 ~ 2011

Carl Gadd Nuttall was the last child born to George Washington and Bertha Rushen Nuttall on May 27, 1925. He was the youngest sibling of Ernest, Dean, Verl, and Ida who all preceded him in death.

Carl was born in Provo, Utah, where he lived most of his life until his passing at age 85. He entered military service while a senior in high school. He served in the armed forces from 1943 to 1946 as Technical Sergeant in the Asiatic Pacific Theater. He earned the service ribbon with the Bronze Star, Good Conduct Medal, Victory Medal, and Bronze Arrowhead.

His sweetheart, Rae Dean Neilson, waited for his return from service and they were married on March 20, 1946, in the Salt Lake Temple. Carl and his brother Dean opened a service station where they worked together until Carl went to work at Geneva Steel as an electrician in the Open Hearth. He retired after 39 years of dedicated service.

Carl and Rae Dean raised 2 sons and 2 daughters. He is survived by Gary Carl Nuttall and his wife Marce from Gilbert, Arizonia; Jan Buchi and her husband Doug from Salt Lake City, Utah; Dan Royal Nuttall and his wife Kim from St. George, Utah; and Debbie Brown and her husband Barry from Lafayette, Colorado.

They have 20 grandchildren and 28 great-grandchildren with twin boys on the way, making 30 great-grandchildren.

He was an amazing husband, father, grandfather, and great-grandfather. He lived a long wonderful life and always thought of others first. He will be remembered as a generous, kind man who cherished his wife of 66 years and was a blessing and strength to his family. Those who had the privilege to know him will miss him always.

Funeral services will be held Saturday, May 7, 2011, at 2:00 p.m., at the Berg Drawing Room Chapel, 185 East Center Street, Provo, Utah. Friends may call at the mortuary Saturday from 12:30 until 1:45 prior to services. Interment, Provo City Cemetery. Military honors will be accorded by American Legion Post #72, Orem. Condolences may be sent to the family at info@bergmortuary.com.

Copyright 2011 Daily Herald. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Things That Make Me Smile

My goofy kids, always, always playing some sort of imaginary game in their own imaginary world.

Easter cookies! An annual tradition at our house and well worth the work :)

Thoughts of two sweet little baby boys occupying these car seats!

Home Remodel Part 1

When we found out we were having twins, it occurred to us that this might be our last opportunity in a long while to do some projects around the house we have been putting off pretty much since we moved in almost 2 years ago. We started by painting our entry way, living room, kitchen, and hallway and painting our cabinets. I can take very little credit for what has been done so far. My amazing husband has insisted on during most of the work. Here are some before and after pictures of the kitchen. More to come after our next project (installing new laminate wood flooring) is finished!

Baby Naming

For some reason we have difficulty coming up with boy names. One of us will find a name we like and the other one won't like it. This presents a problem since we are having 2 boys this time around. We have both agreed on one of the names. So one of the babies will be Asher. As far as the other baby goes, I have posted a poll on the side of this blog of just a few of the names we have discussed. I am just curious what everyone would choose out of those three. We may not use any of these but this is one of our short lists so far :)!

Bring on the Blue!!!

That's right! Two cute little boys are coming to our house!! So excited.

Grateful

I have been super whiny lately so I needed to do a post on some things that I am grateful for to make me in a more likable mood :)

1. I am grateful for two cute kids who have been really good lately!

2. I am grateful for a great husband who is painting the house (with a tiny bit of help from me)!

3. I am grateful for two little heartbeats that will join our family soon!
Details: Due 8/11/11 Doctor will deliver at 38 weeks (7/28/11) if we make it that long, which we will because let's face it I've never been less than 40 weeks 4 days pregnant the other two times :)

Carter turns 5

Carter celebrated his 5th birthday on October 4th. I can't believe how fast the past 5 years have gone. We let him pick where he wanted to eat and he chose Red Robin (not because he loves to eat there, but because they have video games in the waiting area). Then we headed back to our house to open presents and have Star Wars cake and ice cream. Ryan's Applonie grandparents came along with Ryan's parents and our bestest friends, the Thomas family. It was a fun day for a great kid! We love you Carter and we are so glad you're part of our family.

The birthday boy!

Awesome Star Wars cake-Ryan gets all the credit for this one the only thing I did was buy the wrong cake decorating supplies. :)

Our little buddy Sean, he LOVED the cake and ice cream!

Rylee with Sean (future husband and wife)!

Doing Big Kid Things

Being a mom is great (most of the time), but one of the bittersweet things for me is to watch my kids get bigger and older. It's sweet because they are so cute and fun and it's amazing how much they are learning, but it's bitter because it's sad to think of the babies they once were and how fast the time has gone by. This fall both of our kids began knew adventures. Carter started preschool and Rylee started dance lessons. They both LOVE what they are doing, and that is the pay off right there, it's hard to see them get big but they are both so happy, I have to be happy too!

Rylee all ready for dance

Carter's first day of school

Mom's Birthday

I have a lot to catch up on...I've been a blogging slacker lately I guess. My birthday is actually 4 days before Rylee's and I just realized that I hadn't posted about it yet. We had originally planned on leaving the munch-kins with Ryan's mom and dad and going out to dinner and a movie. Well...Ryan's sister had her baby at 5 AM on my birthday (yes, this does officially make her my favorite niece!) so, needless to say, Grandma and Grandpa were needed halfway across the country. We moved on to plan B...we took the kids to The Olive Garden with us and then we came home and ate yummy Harry Potter cupcakes made by my amazing husband (I am what Ryan likes to call a "Pott-head"). It was a good day! However, Ryan still owes me a birthday dinner and movie! :)

Carter eating the yummy cupcakes!

Rylee

Me with Ryan's wonderful creations!

The famous Harry Potter cupcakes!

Rylee's Birthday

Well, it finally happened, my "baby" girl is officially 3! I found myself wondering all day where the last 3 years have gone. And then I remembered the many sleepless nights, tantrums, and many unsuccessful attempts to make her take a bottle and the last 3 years didn't seem like they went by so fast anymore :). I am really excited for her to be 3 and potty trained and more independent, but part of me wishes for all of those sleepless nights back again because she'll never be that small again. I guess that's the bittersweet-ness of motherhood though huh?

On a lighter note...we had a good day for her birthday. She wanted McDonald's for dinner and then we had T.J., Hanna, and Olivia (my brother and his family) over for "UP" cake and ice cream. (And I gotta say that the cake turned out pretty cute!) Happy Birthday little Rylee! I hope the next 3 years are as great as the last 3 have been!

4th of July, Ogden Rodeo, and everything else...

So, I'm really annoyed because I can't figure out why this stupid blogger thingy is underlining everything I write! Anyways... we had a fun 4th of July (even though it was more than a month ago). We went to the Kaysville parade with Ryan's siblings and our good friends the Thomas'. It was a fun, but very long parade. The kids LOVED it. Afterward, we met up with Ryan's family at our house and we had lunch and let the kids play in the water. They had a good time, but we only have videos of that event.






One of our favorite things to do as a family every summer is to go to the Ogden Pioneer Days Rodeo. It's always REALLY hot, but once the sun went down we had a great time. Grandpa and Grandma Lloyd along with Uncle Mike, Aunt Sharon, Cameron, his girlfriend Taylor, and Great Grandma and Grandpa Applonie came with us. Oh and Grandma and Grandpa were babysitting Chase and Kayla, so they were there too!

My cute kiddos. They really are having fun, they're just really hot!!!

Grandma Lloyd, Kayla, Chase, Carter, and Rylee

We've had a great summer, but I am looking forward to Fall (my favorite time of year)! We've been to Bear Lake several times and enjoyed every minute. We went for the annual Applonie vacation up there and we got to spend some time with my mom and dad and Kenz before the ENTIRE, crazy, fun, hilarious Winegar family came up for the annual retreat. We only took our video camera those weekends, so if I ever figure out how to post videos, I'll put some up. Maybe one day I'll actually stay caught up on this blog!!!