I've been doing A LOT of thinking lately about my life as a mother and in general and I realize that over the past year, I have learned some very important things:
Good friends are irreplaceable!
I have a bad habit of taking friends for granted. Since moving away from all of my friends, I've learned that I need to cherish my friendships more and be a better friend too!
Ryan is my BEST Friend!
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I've known this since I was 16 or 17, but it has become more evident over the last year and especially in the (almost) 6 months since we moved. I've learned that a marriage (and a friendship) is something you work on every single day and that it takes work on both sides. I'm just beginning to realize how much I need to work on, but one day I hope to be the kind of friend/spouse that he is to me!
And lastly I've learned...
My babies are miracles!!!!!
I have SO MANY regrets when it comes to my kids. I regret every time I rolled my eyes and whined when one of my babies woke me up in the night. I regret all the times I haven't played with them or simply just held them. I regret every time I have complained about them to friends, family, or whoever would listen. (I know that I will continue to complain because I am only human I just hope to do it less).
They aren't babies any more and everyday that passes they grow bigger and more independent. I have been wanting a baby for a year now and it just isn't happening. So much of this experience has been difficult for me. I hate that I constantly feel the need to justify why I am so upset about not being pregnant. While it is true that I do have 2 beautiful children, the prospect of not having more is still hard for me. For me, my two kids are the reason I want more. I love my kids more than any mother has ever loved her children ( I know every mother feels that) and I can't even begin to imagine not experiencing the miracle again. I know, I know, I'm being selfish when so many in this world don't have ANY children. I want to not feel this way, I want to feel satisfied, but I'm just not :). So I guess what I am trying to say through all of this rambling is that I've learned to cherish EVERY single moment I have with my kids because I might not get the chance to do it a third time.
Disclaimer: I don't mean IN ANY WAY to minimize those people who have real infertility problems. I will NEVER know the hurt that those women have gone through and I don't mean to put myself in the same boat as them. My doctor is optimistic that I will be able to have more. I am by nature an impatient person and that is my problem and I hope I haven't offended anyone with this post!
Disclaimer #2: I don't usually post these kind of personal things because I don't want you all to think that I am throwing myself a pity party, as I mentioned above, a lot of my hurt and frustration stems from my personality flaws (impatience, drama, anxiety, etc.) I simply felt the need to vent since part of moving included missing out on my weekly venting sessions (aka playgroup).
