I've been doing A LOT of thinking lately about my life as a mother and in general and I realize that over the past year, I have learned some very important things:
Good friends are irreplaceable!
I have a bad habit of taking friends for granted. Since moving away from all of my friends, I've learned that I need to cherish my friendships more and be a better friend too!
Ryan is my BEST Friend!
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I've known this since I was 16 or 17, but it has become more evident over the last year and especially in the (almost) 6 months since we moved. I've learned that a marriage (and a friendship) is something you work on every single day and that it takes work on both sides. I'm just beginning to realize how much I need to work on, but one day I hope to be the kind of friend/spouse that he is to me!
And lastly I've learned...
My babies are miracles!!!!!
I have SO MANY regrets when it comes to my kids. I regret every time I rolled my eyes and whined when one of my babies woke me up in the night. I regret all the times I haven't played with them or simply just held them. I regret every time I have complained about them to friends, family, or whoever would listen. (I know that I will continue to complain because I am only human I just hope to do it less).
They aren't babies any more and everyday that passes they grow bigger and more independent. I have been wanting a baby for a year now and it just isn't happening. So much of this experience has been difficult for me. I hate that I constantly feel the need to justify why I am so upset about not being pregnant. While it is true that I do have 2 beautiful children, the prospect of not having more is still hard for me. For me, my two kids are the reason I want more. I love my kids more than any mother has ever loved her children ( I know every mother feels that) and I can't even begin to imagine not experiencing the miracle again. I know, I know, I'm being selfish when so many in this world don't have ANY children. I want to not feel this way, I want to feel satisfied, but I'm just not :). So I guess what I am trying to say through all of this rambling is that I've learned to cherish EVERY single moment I have with my kids because I might not get the chance to do it a third time.
Disclaimer: I don't mean IN ANY WAY to minimize those people who have real infertility problems. I will NEVER know the hurt that those women have gone through and I don't mean to put myself in the same boat as them. My doctor is optimistic that I will be able to have more. I am by nature an impatient person and that is my problem and I hope I haven't offended anyone with this post!
Disclaimer #2: I don't usually post these kind of personal things because I don't want you all to think that I am throwing myself a pity party, as I mentioned above, a lot of my hurt and frustration stems from my personality flaws (impatience, drama, anxiety, etc.) I simply felt the need to vent since part of moving included missing out on my weekly venting sessions (aka playgroup).
9 comments:
Love you Jaim!! I sent you an email with my thoughts. The first picture makes me cry, that was a way fun night. I wish we could get together more. XOXOXOX
That was a great post and I think a lot of women can relate! I think babies are definitely miracles! I feel the same way about having regrets and not holding my children or being so tired I don't play and laugh enough with them--I wish I could change a lot of those moments! I honestly never thought I would have moments like that...but they are bound to happen with a 24/7 job, I guess! Love you!!! Want to see you SOON! Your kids are adorable!
You made me cry!! Stinker!! :) I love you Jaimee!!!! And I feel ya...minus the already have kids to love part. :) Moving sucks, husbands rock, kids are beautiful...We're in this together! :)Hang in there! If you need a vent session, you have my number...use it...because I'll be needing one too!!!! Loves!!
Thanks I didn't need to cry anymore today, it's been a trying day with children around my house, I understand where you are and where you are coming from, by the way I think that you are an amazing person and a great mom, I was just saying the other day I wish that I could handle my kids the way you handle yours, just amazing!
Jaimee, you bring up so many thoughtful points. You have beautiful children, a wonderful husband. I think it's completely normal to loose sight of what we have. You're very wise to step back and count your blessings. You're in my thoughts and I hope having another child comes soon for you guys.
Thank you for that, Jaimee! I love your guts! I hope you know that you don't have to minimize your feelings at all. You're a great mom. I have ALWAYS looked up to you. Seriously!
I miss you so much. Call me and we will get together. Love you.
Thanks for "venting" Jaim. I have been having a hard time with the kids and getting mad a lot. You have reminded me that I need to take a step back and remember that one day I will miss this!
Try to be patient you never know what the lord has in store for you! Our best friends down here were unable to have another (they already had two) for five years. Then all of the sudden, boom, she got pregnant. That’s a tuff situation. I'll pray for you!
you should really just move back. That is all I have to say.
I love this post. I know the just moved feeling all to well, and kids are more work than anyone could have ever told me. We need to get together again.
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